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The Magners International Comedy Festival

The Wordies 2015 - The Facebook User Awards

A testament to Vietnam’s favourite social media site… Twitter? You’re havin’ a laugh!

 

We wanted to do some awards for the annual troll of the year or the best commenter, or even the best posts. But not wanting to encourage all those people who rip other people to shreds — yes, you know who you are — we instead decided to focus on a different type of award. The Facebook User Awards.

 

So, what type of Facebook user are you? Maybe you’ll fall into one category, maybe you’ll fall into many. One thing’s for sure, like the rest of Vietnam, you’re most likely obsessed with this social media site by now. Our response? Get a life!

 

1) Like First

The ‘like as many posts and comments as possible’ award

 

Whenever you post or share something on your wall, they will press the like button after a few seconds and leave just like they are afraid that they will miss other threads. What did they like? Maybe the titles. Or maybe they’re just trigger-happy, like all those cowboys in the old spaghetti westerns.

 

2) Share without Reading the Thread

The ‘share and share alike’ award

 

Similar to the first type, but this time it’s the share button. Some threads like ‘missing kids’ or ‘fundraisings for unlucky or disadvantaged people’ posted years ago still get shared even though the kids were found and those people already have a better life. Come on, who needs help here?

 

3) Comment Readers

The award for ‘reading the most comments possible in one day’

 

It’s easy to find those commenters. They usually show up in debated topics with a sentence “I just come here to read comments!” and rofl icons. No, they are helpless and harmless but distracting.

 

4) What is it?

The award for ‘jumping to conclusions the fastest’

 

Those who are too lazy to click on and read posted articles, but will type: “What is it?” instead. After the summary given by someone else, they often jump to a conclusion: “That’s the reason why I didn’t read it!”

 

5) Teachers

The award for ‘correcting grammar and spelling’

 

Acting as if it’s their real job, these people will quickly find out how many grammatical and spelling mistakes you have made on your posts. If we could see their facial reactions to teenagers’ posts, it would be priceless.

 

6) Copy and Paste

The ‘I know how to use CTRL + C and CTRL + V’ award

 

In order to draw people’s attention to their shared articles, they copy and paste what they think are the best lines. Or maybe they simply think that way they can help people understand more.

 

7) Taggers

The ‘piss everyone off’ award

 

New products? Tagged! Photos of a vacation? Tagged! A video where a cat is singing a song? Tagged! They just love tagging everything, even if those threads have nothing to do with you.

 

8) Google It

The ‘Why the hell are you asking this question on Facebook?’ award

 

Google needs to have a true marketing campaign for its ability to answer everything, given all the silly questions that are posted on Facebook groups. How long does it take to get an answer on Facebook compared to Google? Or let’s just pray that Google and Facebook will work together in the future. Fat chance!

 

9) Where is my post?

The ‘serial deleted poster’ award

 

“I don’t know. Did you check the group’s rules? Did you break any rules?” is the best reply to those who keep posting that question on some Facebook groups. Tip: You should either follow the rules or befriend one of the admins.

 

10) Excuse me let me leave the ad here!

The ‘ad spamming’ award

 

They’ve just come here to leave their ad about their products or services no matter what the post is. However, they are still nice and polite with the last sentence: “Sorry for posting it here!” attached at the end of the comment.

 

11) Trolls

The ‘sad, lonely, unhappy people’ award

 

They are usually not nice, friendly or mature people, and tend to be bullies. They might use words or pictures to make you annoyed and frustrated. Aiming to enjoy the frustration of others, their comments are usually off-topic or offensive. Tip: Block them or stop responding to them.

 

12) Racists

The ‘get the f**k out of here’ award

 

The problem doesn’t lie in your posts; it’s because they are racist. No matter what your thread is, they will find ways to insert racist opinions in their comments. Seriously, your post could be a photo of chuoi cau (lady finger banana) and someone might comment “Why that small? Is it a Vietnamese banana?” They often finish their comment with “lol” or start with “I am not racist, but…” Be damned, the lot of them.

 

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